I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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