I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
