So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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