Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
