he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
