I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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