all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
