I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
My breath smells like gin and sadness
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
