I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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