i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
