You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
