the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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