I accidentally burped into my bong.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You dont lie about slip and slides
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
