Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
