Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
