I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
