He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
