I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
