I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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