I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
