I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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