Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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