Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
This house was built for laser tag.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
