xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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