last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Just invented taco cereal.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
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