dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Randomize
