so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
