Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
