you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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