as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
