First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
