I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
