i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
