he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
