i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Randomize
