Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
