it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
