At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
