Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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