dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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