So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
