nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
