Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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