just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
