and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
