Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
