I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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