i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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