Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
