You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
