grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
