would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
sarcasm needs its own font
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
